The tears ran down my cheeks as I stood in the warm, pouring rain looking at
the funeral, Lance’s funeral. I was drenched, but I didn’t care. There were
news reports and cameras everywhere. I didn't expect that a friendship so great
would be torn away so fast. Here I was, about a year and a half later in my life
and already I lost something so great. I collapsed on the ground and held my
head in my hands. I couldn't take any of this any more, I wanted out. Why must I
be hurt so?
I was only 17 years old, so why was this happening to me? Was it something I did? Was God mad at me? I sat there with many thoughts of regret in my mind, when a familiar hand reached down and touched my shoulder. I looked over at Joey’s face as he sat down next to me. I knew he was crying too, it's pretty hard to tell with all the rain.
I leaned over to give him a hug. It was a dark afternoon on May 17, 2002. The rain was warm and the air was too. As I stopped hugging him, I leaned back and looked at him.
"Do you want to come back with us?” Joey asked me in a sobbing voice.
“No thanks Joey,” I said shaking my head, “there’s something I have to do first,” the funeral was over and I knew that Lance was never going to come back.
I watched as the guys climbed in their car and drove away. Some reporters were still around, wondering what I was up to. I picked up the twelve red roses set by my side and walked over to Lance’s casket.
Placing the roses on top of his casket, I kneeled down beside it and looked at the ground, “God, I don’t know why you took him away. Maybe it was my fault? I don’t know, but I wish you would make this pain go away,” I cried as I prayed to God.
Looking up at the dark clouds, the rain hit my tear stained face. I looked at Lance’s casket and touched it with my left hand, “I love you Lance,” I said crying harder just wanting to make this pain stop, “I’m sorry I never got to tell you that when you were alive. You are one of the best people I ever knew and I’ll never forget that. I want to tell you that all those times we had together will be in my memory forever. I’m grateful that I had you in my life even it was so short. I love you so much. Please know that,” I said as I took my hand off the casket and looked at the ground.
I knew all this was going to be in the newspapers in the morning. I didn’t care let everyone know I loved Lance. It wasn’t going to change the fact that he was dead.
I stood up and walked over to my car. I looked back at the casket in the cemetery. Wiping a tear from my eye, I smiled when I remembered the day we had together a month before that and all the other times we had together.