"If Only She'd Known"
Justin groaned as he turned over in bed and shut off his alarm clock. He sighed
as he flipped onto his back and ran his fingers through his messy curls. Getting
out of bed got harder every day. He didn't see the point in it anymore. Today
would be the same as every day. He'd get out of bed, take a shower, get dressed,
brush his hair, and make his way downstairs where he'd find the woman who had
brought more pain and joy into his life than he'd ever thought possible. He
often found himself trying to blame her, but he couldn't. She didn't know how
much agony she caused him just by giving her boyfriend a kiss. She didn't know
how much it killed him to sit next to her and not be able to hold her.
He sat up and shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts so the tears he felt
brimming his eyes wouldn't spill out. He took a deep breath and slowly got up to
begin his morning ritual.
After he was done getting ready he gave himself a pep talk of sorts. Despite the
fact that it never worked, he did it anyway. Every morning it was the same
thing. He'd tell himself that things would be better today. He always told
himself today would be the day he'd confess his feelings, but he never did. He
knew he'd never have the courage to say anything. She'd been involved in a very
happy, loving relationship for over two years now. Justin and her had a very
close friendship and he didn't want to do anything to jeopardize it. His
thoughts were interrupted as the love of his life burst through his door.
"Justin, guess what?!?!" She said excitedly. Before giving him a
chance to respond she proudly showed him her left hand and said excitedly,
"I'm getting married!!"
That sentence sent his world spinning. He muttered "congratulations"
and quickly left the room. He heard her call his name, but he ignored it and got
in his car. He didn't know where he was going, but he knew he had to leave. He
eventually came to a cliff overlooking a large river. He stopped the car and
stared out of the car blankly, a jumble of thoughts running through his head. He
tried to make sense of things, but all he could hear was "Justin, guess
what?!?" Echoing through his mind. He knew now that he could never have
her. There had always been a slight glimmer of hope, but like everyone said, the
two of them were soulmates. Justin knew now that they would never be anything
more than just friends. He'd had these feelings as long as he could remember,
and the realizations he had just made shattered his heart. He looked out and
suddenly he saw an answer. He drove home as quickly as he could because he knew
he might not have the courage to do it if he waited.
He got home and saw that she wasn't there. 'good' he thought 'I'll need a lot of
time to do this' He quickly grabbed a nearby notebook and a pen and began
writing.
When he was happy with the letter, he placed it on her bed and once again got
into his car. He once again drove to the cliff and stopped to think. He got out
of the car and looked over the edge. Seeing how far the drop down was almost
made him lose his nerve, so he quickly got back in his car. He put the car in
reverse and slowly backed up. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he
put his foot on the gas and slammed through the guard rail. The whole way down
the only thing he thought of was her.