"If Only She'd Known"

Justin groaned as he turned over in bed and shut off his alarm clock. He sighed as he flipped onto his back and ran his fingers through his messy curls. Getting out of bed got harder every day. He didn't see the point in it anymore. Today would be the same as every day. He'd get out of bed, take a shower, get dressed, brush his hair, and make his way downstairs where he'd find the woman who had brought more pain and joy into his life than he'd ever thought possible. He often found himself trying to blame her, but he couldn't. She didn't know how much agony she caused him just by giving her boyfriend a kiss. She didn't know how much it killed him to sit next to her and not be able to hold her.

He sat up and shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts so the tears he felt brimming his eyes wouldn't spill out. He took a deep breath and slowly got up to begin his morning ritual.

After he was done getting ready he gave himself a pep talk of sorts. Despite the fact that it never worked, he did it anyway. Every morning it was the same thing. He'd tell himself that things would be better today. He always told himself today would be the day he'd confess his feelings, but he never did. He knew he'd never have the courage to say anything. She'd been involved in a very happy, loving relationship for over two years now. Justin and her had a very close friendship and he didn't want to do anything to jeopardize it. His thoughts were interrupted as the love of his life burst through his door.

"Justin, guess what?!?!" She said excitedly. Before giving him a chance to respond she proudly showed him her left hand and said excitedly, "I'm getting married!!"

That sentence sent his world spinning. He muttered "congratulations" and quickly left the room. He heard her call his name, but he ignored it and got in his car. He didn't know where he was going, but he knew he had to leave. He eventually came to a cliff overlooking a large river. He stopped the car and stared out of the car blankly, a jumble of thoughts running through his head. He tried to make sense of things, but all he could hear was "Justin, guess what?!?" Echoing through his mind. He knew now that he could never have her. There had always been a slight glimmer of hope, but like everyone said, the two of them were soulmates. Justin knew now that they would never be anything more than just friends. He'd had these feelings as long as he could remember, and the realizations he had just made shattered his heart. He looked out and suddenly he saw an answer. He drove home as quickly as he could because he knew he might not have the courage to do it if he waited.

He got home and saw that she wasn't there. 'good' he thought 'I'll need a lot of time to do this' He quickly grabbed a nearby notebook and a pen and began writing.

When he was happy with the letter, he placed it on her bed and once again got into his car. He once again drove to the cliff and stopped to think. He got out of the car and looked over the edge. Seeing how far the drop down was almost made him lose his nerve, so he quickly got back in his car. He put the car in reverse and slowly backed up. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he put his foot on the gas and slammed through the guard rail. The whole way down the only thing he thought of was her.


She'd come home after searching for Justin with no luck. She sighed and flopped down on her bed. It was then that she noticed a piece of paper on her bed. She began to sob uncontrollably as she read the contents of the letter.

Theres no way I can possibly express how much I cherish our friendship, But for so many years I've needed so much more. Today I realized that as much as I love you, my feelings will never be returned, and I just can't bear living without you anymore. Don't blame yourself for what I'm going to do because there's no way you could've known. The fact that you're getting married isn't the only reason I'm doing this. There's a lot of other things going on in my life that I can't handle right now, things you don't know about. Well, I really don't know what else to say. I'm not the most eloquent person. I guess I just wanna say that I love you, and that I'll be looking in on you from time to time to make sure Erick is treating you right.



Attending Justin's funeral service was the hardest thing Natalie had ever done. The last week had been hell for her. She felt she was the sole reason for his decision to take his own life, and it had a big effect on her. She hadn't eaten or slept for days. The guilt she carried around was beginning to have a serious affect on her psychological state. Seeing the affect of his death, a death she felt she had caused, was too much for her, and she began to lose control.

"Its all my fault. I should've known." She repeated in between sobs, falling to her knees and breaking down in front of everyone. "I should've known..."